2023年12月12日

Last night I dreamed of walking up a large, grand, stone staircase. Surrounding the staircase with light fog, and at the top was a bright light, the sky, and clouds. On these large steps... fit for a giant, maybe, I climbed and walked past several sleeping dragons. The hot warm breath coming out of their nostrils as they dreamed...within my dream. Cold stone steps, illuminated by a divine light, and warm sighs from the dragons. In my dream, I made sure not to wake them. But, maybe I should focus on it, and try to go back. Would it be unkind to wake them from their divine slumber within my dream realm? "The dragon embodies the power to go 'below the surface' and rise above the earth with 'expanded awareness.'" - combined with the symbolism of going up the staircase up to the light: an advancement in life. Together, the message is: an advancement in expanded awareness. The oracle today gave me similar signs too. All is in harmony. After all, 2024 will be the year of the dragon.

Lately, I have been fascinated by many things, which include: cymatics, neanderthal flutes made of bone, Saturn's Golden Age, and iPTF14hls. Natural scientist Hans Jenny coined the term cymatics after the Greek word Kyma (wave). Cymatics in general is the term for all phenomena that occur as a result of vibrations and waves on the formation of matter. What intrigues me is that the forms that we can see from different resonances resemble biological forms, natural processes, and mandalas. Some of my favorites are documented in Entdeckungen über die Theorie des Klanges (Discoveries in the Theory of Sound), which are called the Chladni Figures by Ernst Chladni in 1787. He ran the bow of a violin upon a sand or flour covered plate, resulting in those figures. I wrote in a previous entry about black holes 'singing'. They sing the lowest note in the universe. And I wonder what figure that sound would create - but as they are constantly evolving, the figure would change rapidly. I still think it would be beautiful to see.

For Neanderthal flutes, I always think about the kind of music they would make with their flutes made out of bone. One in particular, the Divje Babe flute, was recreated and sounds beautiful. It gives me goosebumps.

On the topic of Saturn's Golden Age, the description from Ovid's Metamorphoses' entrances me:

In the beginning was the Golden Age, when men of their own accord, without threat of punishment, without laws, maintained good faith and did what was right. .... Never had any pine tree, cut down from its home in the mountain, been launched on ocean's waves, to visit foreign lands: Men knew only their own shores. Their cities were not yet surrounded by sheer moats, they had no brass trumpets (for alarms).... no helmets and no swords. The peoples of the world, untroubled by any fears, enjoyed a leisurely and peaceful existence, and had no use for soldiers. The earth itself without compulsion, untouched by hoe, unfurrowed by any ploughshare, produced all things spontaneously and men were content with foods that grew without cultivation. They gathered berries and wild strawberries, cherries and blackberries.....or acorns fallen from Jupiter's spreading oak. It was a season of everlasting spring, when peaceful zephyrs, with their warm breath, caressed flowers that sprang up without having been planted.

2023年12月10日

"This is not unregulated chaos; it is a dynamic but ordered pattern."
-Hans Jenny

I wokeup today, and though the windows are open, the house is gray and silent, besides the hum of a fan. Outside there is a layer of thick fog. Walking barefoot, I sat down in my chair. Through the windowpane, the brightest flash of light illuminated the room. It was like slow motion. A photograph in my mind. Through the fog, this aura of light traveled and lit up the entire neighborhood. A silent lightning.

Then, another moment of silence. Suddenly, like a freight train coming from afar, reverberating through the clouds, a soft rumbling. You could feel the sound waves traveling violently through the clouds, closer and closer. Through the heavens and through the earth. It encapsulated the entire area when it reached my location. This was the only lightning and thunder that I have seen today. That is how the day started. It almost felt mystical. An angel tunneling through space and time, a silent lightning strike.



I made genmaicha tea and then proceeded to go outside. It was lightly raining, with droplets of water hitting the ground off the roof like a metronome. No birdsong. Only the sound of wind and water.

I was gifted a porcelain teacup with a poem on it, and today I finally found what the poem was on it. It is 次蕭冰崖梅花韻, (After Xiao Bingya's Poem on Plum Blossoms) by 赵希㯝 (Zhao Xilu):

有 誰 風 雪 看 梅 花

若 使 牡 丹 開 得 早

竹 外 溪 邊 處 士 家

氷 姿 瓊 骨 淨 無 瑕

With appearance of ice and bone of jade, it is clear without a spot,
outside of the bamboo forest, by the stream, at the home of the hermit.
If mudan peony bloomed earlier,
who is going to appreciate the plum blossoms in the wind and snow?

How suiting, how suiting, discovering this during winter, the realm of ice, wind and snow! Who will view the plum blossoms in the wind and snow alongside me at the house of this hermit? The mudan peony the poem speaks of is the beautiful Paeonia suffruticosa, it is generally known as the “king of flowers”, symbolizing honor, wealth, and aristocracy, as well as love, affection, and feminine beauty. Now my tea experience with this cup is deepened, very much so.

It is so interesting, the oracle. I laughed today out of excitement. Divine timing, divine timing. Everything in divine timing. This month's focus keyword is 'patience'.

2023年12月9日

Today is an enigma. Slow, sleepy, like sap flowing out of tree bark. I finally poured a cup of 白毫银针 / White Hair Silver Needle / green snow shoots tea. It is incredibly light, fragrant. Sipping the dew out of jasmine flowers after a morning rain. Fairy-drink. Drinking the earth. Let me dream of evanescence and linger in the beautiful foolishness of things. I want to put a quote from 紅樓夢:

渺 渺 茫 茫 兮 歸 彼 大 荒 ！

誰 與 我 逝 兮 吾 誰 與 從 ？

我 所 游 兮 鴻 蒙 太 空。

我 所 居 兮 青 埂 之 峰，

On Greensickness Peak
I dwell;
In the Cosmic Void
I roam.
Who will pass over,
Who will go with me,
Who will explore
The supremely ineffable
Vastly mysterious
Wilderness
To which I return!

This evening I showered in scalding water, steam billowing up to the ceiling vent. The house was cold, and standing under the hot water, I felt I knew why moths are drawn to flame. Lately I feel like going into a warm cocoon. Sleep, sleep, sleep. Slowly. Effortlessly. Languid. Let me sleep tonight and dream of stars. Of love. Of peace... light.

2023年12月8日

Let's let the soul burst. Reverberations glowing, moaning, groaning, filling me to the brim of ecstasy. Yesterday evening I laughed so hard that I felt my soul giggling. It was cold, and I was surrounded by trees. It wouldn't matter about anything. I felt I could keep laughing in a dizzying daze until I spun, the trees around me multiplying in a mistifying blur. Giggling, laughing, trembling.

This morning I had a dream, and before my alarm rang, my body could feel it. Inside the dream, I yelled out into the aether, "No, no, please, it's too beautiful, it's beautiful... don't wake me up! Don't wake me up!"

Forms merging into other forms, boundaries dissolving. The images in my memory of that beautiful dimension were ripped from me, but I know they live in my soul. Let us laugh together and tremble in ecstasy.

2023年12月5日

Today I am pondering on: Thoth, Seshat, and Hermes Trismegistus, and a dream a little bird said they had of my blood. In their own words:

"I woke up, saw my orange keyboard, and thought it was Nymph bleeding all over my desk in a sentence format. Looked like a red blur stretched out to right, oddly bright, could make out letters and what looked like words."

Isn't that so sweet.

The same little bird told me that I am the female equivalent of Thoth. Thoth, the ancient Egyptian god of the Moon, wisdom, knowledge, writing, hieroglyphs, science, magic, art and judgement, does have a female equivalent: Seshat. She is the goddess of sciences, accounting, architecture, astronomy, astrology, building, mathematics, and surveying.

Thoth being the god of the Moon makes me feel pleasurable, as my zodiac, Cancer, is ruled by the moon.
As Thoth rules over the moon, and Cancer is ruled by the moon, Thoth may be a celestial conduit for esoteric and intuitive energies. As my ruler, the moon, goes through her phases, Thoth aides me in the transformation and evolution of my soul journey, along with my angels and elves.

Hermes Trismegistus is a syncretic combination of Hermes and Thoth. I then turn the pages, and see that Hermes Trismegistus is associated with prisca theologia, "a single, true theology exists which threads through all religions, and which was anciently given by God to humans." Though not the exact same as the perennial philosophy, which has entranced me for years, it is extremely related.

2023年12月4日

Went out for lunch and it was so delightful. The sun peeked its rays through the window onto the table, golden and glittering.
It's a cold day once again. I have the heater on. I am pondering on two things today: mise en abyme, and PSR J1748−2446ad.

Mise en abyme translates literally to placement in abyss, a copy of an image within itself, infinitely recurring. Imagine standing between two mirrors, and having an infinite image of oneself. Now, imagine a dream within a dream. "We are like the dreamer, who dreams and then lives inside the dream, but who is the dreamer?"

不 知 周 也。

自 喻 適 志 與。

栩 栩 然 胡 蝶 也,

昔 者 莊 周 夢 為 胡 蝶,

"Once, Zhuang Zhou dreamed he was a butterfly, a butterfly flitting and fluttering about, happy with himself and doing as he pleased. He didn't know that he was Zhuang Zhou."

此 之 謂 物 化。

周 與 胡 蝶， 則 必 有 分 矣。

胡 蝶 之 夢 為 周 與。

不 知 周 之 夢 為 胡 蝶 與，

俄 然 覺， 則 蘧 蘧 然 周 也。

"Suddenly he woke up and there he was, solid and unmistakable Zhuang Zhou. But he didn't know if he was Zhuang Zhou who had dreamt he was a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming that he was Zhuang Zhou. Between Zhuang Zhou and the butterfly there must be some distinction! This is called the Transformation of Things."
—Zhuangzi, chapter 2

A picture in a picture, a dream within a dream, a mirror within a mirror. Do we truly know what waking reality is? It has been discussed by Plato, Descartes, and especially in Mahayana and Tibetan Buddhist philosophy. Namkhai Norbu, a master of Dzogchen, or, atiyoga, states:

"In a real sense, all the visions that we see in our lifetime are like a big dream ..."

Now, moving on to PSR J1748−2446ad, the fastest spinning pulsar known to man currently. It is located 18,000 light years from Earth, and has 43,000 revolutions per minute. You can hear it's screaming pulsations here. In the words of my friend, Nikolaos:

"These are what is leftover after a massive supernova that didn’t collapse into a black hole, something so violent and energetic screaming out into the void. Spinning faster than any object in the universe, barely holding itself together, destroying all that goes near it. It’s something holding onto life so hard it can destroy the star it previously coexisted with, if the supernova alone hadn’t done it. When they exist alone, it’s their own mass that they spit out from the poles. They’re in a perpetual state of self destruction."

A pulsar, not able to transform into a black hole, screaming into space, over and over again. Mise en abyme. Light within light. An infinite repetition inside itself.

2023年12月2日

Outside is blanketed with thick, cold fog. The trees are barely discernable, and only the street lamps shine a hazy glow. I sat outside listening to the silence with a hot cup of green tea, it's steam flowing and mingling into the fog. Today I completed a second session of the Gateway Experience. One thing I noticed is that when I listen to music, I can feel the sound waves all over my body, like my aura is moving in sync with the melody. I could feel this previously, but now it is more apparent. It is a wonderful feeling.

2023年11月29日

Before going to bed last night, I walked over to my window to look at the stars. There was a large star in the sky, that seemed to glimmer with multicolored lights. It seemed to get bigger and smaller. I looked at a star chart and figured out I was looking at the Orion Trapezium Cluster. It is situated in Messier 43, a star-forming nebula. There is an article that suggests that within the Trapezium, there is a intermediate-mass black hole, with a mass 100 times that of the sun. With the theory of a black hole, as well as Theta¹ Orionis C generating ultraviolet light that ionizes. It stood out to me last night. Maybe it was saying 'hello'.

2023年11月28日

The past two days I have woken up quite early. Eventually, I feel a wave of tranquility over me, this deep, lanquid daze. The winter chill outside permeates through the walls, weaving its frosty tendrils into the very fabric of the house. With the heater casting a cozy glow, I crawl slowly into bed, the encompassing warmth of soft fabrics creating a haven of blissful repose. Gazing out the window, the sun glows orange, making the sky a watercolor splash of sweet citrus hues and an ink wash of milky lapis lazuli. I shut my eyes, and Morpheus, sleep's divine guardian, envelops me in a tender grasp, his whispers lulling me into an early morning slumber. There's something enchanting about this season. From the profound silence that blankets the world to the relentless icy winds that engage in a rhythmic dance with my window pane. The trees, naked, sway and groan with the Earth. It's a time when the soul, like nature itself, undergoes a subtle transformation.
I will leave you with this anonymous poem today from the 後撰和歌集 in the year 951, which translates to:
Filled with passionate thoughts,
Sleepless until dawn,
On a winter’s night
The ice upon my sleeves
Shows no sign of melting.

思 ひ つ つ ね な く に あ く る 冬 の 夜 の 袖 の 氷 は と け ず も あ る か な

2023年11月27日

I feel incredibly light and pleasurable right now. I wanted to write about this feeling within the moment, so I have it crystallized in time. I can close my eyes and imagine everything turning small, going above myself out of my body, seeing the terrain of the earth, and finally, being thrust into space and dancing on the stars like stepping stones. I watched a documentary the other day. This man looked at his hand, and then closed his eyes, visualizing all of the cells within, and then going deeper and visualizing atoms. The beautiful helix of DNA. From outer space down to our cells. How beautiful this feeling is in this moment.

2023年11月26日

It is cold and rainy today. A lovely day. I am currently reading about the Schumann resonance, Harmonies of the World by Kepler, and Musica universalis. How the Sun, the Moon, Earth, and all planets emit their own unique hum according to their orbital revolution. This was proposed by Pythagoras, who, furthermore, states that the quality of life on Earth reflects the tenor of the sounds emitted. These sounds cannot be heard by the human ear. I will just call it 'the silent orchestra'. Another topic that fascinates me is the sound that is emitted from the black hole at the center of the Perseus Galaxy Cluster. It's the moaning of the universe, or more-so, the moan of a black hole devouring, dimensions converging. Here is a quote on this black hole that I find beautiful: "Astronomers say they have heard the sound of a black hole singing, perhaps has been singing for more than two billion years." It's singing plays the lowest note in the universe. I just wonder how that affects other planets, the surrounding phenomena, and so on, if we go with Pythagoras' proposal.

Another thing. The 'Oh-My-God' particle.. On October 15th, 1991, an ultra-high-cosmic ray was detected by the Fly's Eye camera in Utah, USA. To describe the speed of this ray, if is the rest mass of the particle and is it's kinetic energy, then it's speed was times the speed of light.It's energy was "20 million times greater than the highest photon energy measured in electromagnetic radiation emitted by an extragalactic object, the blazar Markarian 501"
Basically, these break physics and confuse astrophysicists.
Now onto the exciting present day news. The Amaterasu Particle, named after the sun goddess, detected in 2021 and now identified this month, is puzzling astronomers. The particles within it should not exist. I find that fascinating. You can view the recorded signal event animation of the Amaterasu Particle from Osaka Metropolitan University here

Realizing when I go on passionate tangents, I should create an essays page.

2023年11月23日

Currently pondering on: speaking in tongues / glossolalia and the Voynich Manuscript.
Glossolalia is described as "fluid vocalizing of speech-like syllables that lack any readily comprehended meaning" but more importantly, " some believe it to be a divine language unknown to the speaker." Which brings me to the Voynich manuscript. The codex is filled with illustrations of alien-like plants, cosmology, nude women holding stars together, pharmaceuticals, balneology, and recipes. But it is all written in an unknown language that is still not decoded today. Some pages that excite me are the ones that fold out to form a large map.

2023年11月22日

Tears stream down my face like a broken pearl necklace as I write this. It is not about sadness or joy, but the sublime. An unexplainable mixture of emotions circling together, brewing in the valves of my heart. Opera is playing and it sounds like angels. A thousand angels.

It rained all day. I have been wishing for a nice rainy day, so I was overjoyed when I wokeup and heard the sounds of water droplets against the window. I just bathed, put perfume on, and lit incense. It reminds me of this quote from the Pillow Book:

"“To wash your hair, apply your makeup and put on clothes that are well-scented with incense. Even if you’re somewhere where no one special will see you, you still feel a heady sense of pleasure inside.”
―清少納言

2023年11月21日

Linguistic word play. That is what I am intrigued and heavily focused on right now...For example:

用 之 不 勤。

綿 綿 若 存，

是 謂 天 地 根。

玄 牝 之 門，

是 謂 玄 牝。

It translates roughly to:
The valley spirit is undying [/ immortal], It is named the mysterious female [/ deep/dark gorge]. The mysterious female [/ deep/dark gorge]’s gate, It is named [as] Heaven and Earth’s basis. Uninterrupted like existence, Its usefulness is not constant. — Lao Zi
“The mysterious female”

shì wèi xuán pìn

是 謂 玄 牝

玄 Xuán means ‘dark, mysterious’, but also ‘deep or profound’. It is an adjective used in context of our senses, or how we perceive.
牝 pìn roughly translated to denoting something as female, however, it also means 'deep gorge'. Given that the 'deep gorge' usually references the birth of all heavens and our Earth...how interesting.

2023年11月20日

Today I went outside and met a person with a small dog. Instead of it jumping excitedly, it had a calm and serene manner. The owner said it had trained it that way.

2023年11月19

Fabrics and blouses. I adore them. When they come in the postage, I might share photographs of my wardrobe. Garments arriving inthe post: a new black blouse with bow accents, another black blouse with ruffles, and two skirts.

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